How To Be Happy
The following is Reprinted from the book Ken Keys Jr
How to Make Your Life Work
Or
Why aren't you happy
When you are given a gift, it often comes with directions. A stereo comes with an instruction book; a car with an operator's manual.
Your life is a gift.
Would you like to know how to make your life work?
WE MEAN REALLY WORK WELL
No more anxiety, anger, fear, jealousy, irritation, resentment, boredom, suffering, unhappiness....
You don't think it's possible, do you?
HA!
It's just because you were never given the directions with which to do it.
Your first step in learning how to do it is to realize that the way you now try to improve your life will ALWAYS keep you bouncing like a yo-yo between happiness and unhappiness.
If you are not CONTINUOUSLY HAPPY - 100% of the time - it means that you are simply stumbling through life and not taking full advantage of the potential that has been locked in your head since the time you were born.
Do you know even one person who is CONTINUOUSLY HAPPY?
If you do, that person is using his "higher consciousness" People who continually use their "higher consciousness" NEVER experience the disappointment of unfulfilled expectations.
We know you try hard. We know you are a good person.
So what is wrong?
People who are unhappy don't know why they are unhappy - if they knew why unhappiness happens, they would start correcting the situation so that they would be happy - BUT THEY DON'T.... BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT CAUSES UNHAPPINESS.
The cause of unhappiness is not a mystery.... it's actually quite simple.
Since you have read this far, perhaps you are now ready to study the cause of unhappiness - ALL unhappiness - so you can get on with being happy 100% of the time....YES, 100% OF THE TIME... even in situations that used to make you miserable (sickness, money shortage, calamity, uncaring people, lost love, sc. etc. etc.)
Ready?
It will sound so simple that you may dismiss it all too quickly --- without really understanding how it applies to the very special conditions of your particular life.
BUT DOING IT IS NOT SO SIMPLE -- IT TAKES A STRONG MAN OR A STRONG WOMAN.
Here it is.
You automatically trigger feelings of unhappiness when the people and situations around you DO NOT FIT YOUR EXPECTATIONS.
In other words, EXPECTATIONS create your unhappiness. It is your emotion-backed demands that make you suffer - it is not the world, the people around you or even you YOURSELF.
Let's call these demands "ADDICTIONS."
An ADDICTION is something conditioned into your body or mind which, if not satisfied, automatically triggers a negative emotion.... anger, fear, jealousy, anxiety, resentment, sorrow, etc. etc. etc.
ALL EMOTION-BACKED DEMANDS ARE ADDICTONS, AND ADDICTIONS ARE THE SOLE CAUSE OF UNHAPPINESS!!!
Who told you that you must automatically act like a robot and get uptight if the outside world does not fit your inner programming?
Are you going to let the world and the people around you control your life?
Do you let your happiness depend totally on the outside world?
The outside world can never make you unhappy --- Only you can create your unhappiness.
For example . . . YOU really don't have to UPSET YOURSELF if someone criticizes you.
There is no law that requires YOU to be afraid of anything and TRIGGER the emotion of fear, inadequacy or anger.
YOU do not have to Make YOURSELF irritated if the people you are with do not do what they promised.
You have probably been spending your life trying to manipulate the outside world in order to be happy.
Well, has it worked?
Are you happy 100% of the time.
Have you ever succeeded in CONTROLLING THE WORLD to such a degree that it could not make you unhappy and could never again make you unhappy at any time in the future?
Your ego tells you that people are DOING IT to you. But you are really DOING IT to yourself!!
When you get into the science of happiness, you learn that there is (1) the outside event, and there is (2) your inside programming, which determines your RESPONSE TO THE OURSIDE EVENT.
You know how life is - you win some and you lose some. And when you lose sufficiently often, you can generate lots of suffering in your life.
This is because you have not trained your bio-computer (your mind) so that it will NOT automatically trigger anger, fear or unhappiness when the people and things around you do not fit the elaborate programming you have stored in your head. . . .
Perhaps no one ever fully explained how you can use that marvelous bio-computer to do the job properly. . . . after all, every computer requires some operating skill to make the best use of all the wonderful things which it can do.
The society in which you were raised led you to believe that you could "win" consistently enough to live a happy life if you had:
More money. . . .
Or more prestige. . . .
Or more knowledge. . . .
Or more hobbies. . . .
Or more sex partners. . . .
Or more "stuff" you can buy in stores.
YOU REALLY ACCUMULATED A LOT OF "STUFF", DIDN'T YOU?
So, are you always happy? ALWAYS? Are you really in love with living? Are you in love with the prospect of facing each and every day . . . . ALWAYS! ALL WAYS!
You kept yourself in a tizzy trying to make it in life by getting people and situations to fit your inner programs of security, sensation and power (pride, prestige, ability to manipulate and control)
My how you tried!
The way in which you try to solve one problem in your life usually creates the next problem in your life.
Lonely? Your rational mind might suggest that you need more money so that you can attract friends and lovers into your life.
You switch to a better paying job!
Now you have added business worries . . .
So your business worries keep you from relaxing and enjoying friends and lovers . . .
Do you have an ulcer yet?
When you work hard to acquire "something" to make you happy - and you get it - do you then worry about losing it or damaging it? Will it ever become obsolete? Wouldn't you like another one? . . . a bigger one? ; ; ; a better one?
Do you really want to know how to get the world outside of your head to harmonize with the world inside?
It is so simple.
Instead of wearing yourself out trying to change the people and situations in your life, just concentrate on changing your ADDICTIONS . . . your demands and expectations - your "absolute necessities" . . .
This is the only way to consistently get the outside and the inside to harmonize together.
It is impossible to have enough money or power to change the outside world to consistently fit your inner addictions and demands. Billionaires and emperors never succeeded in finding happiness by changing the world.
Look at Napoleon.
Look at Hitler.
They could not do it. They tried like no one else in history, but they could not do it.
The outside world can never give you "enough" if you are programmed to always want something you do not have or more of something you do have.
If you always want "more" you will NEVER have "enough."
If you are free from addictions you can still have mild preferences. You can prefer that something happen a certain way, but if it does not happen, you still remain happy - because it is not a condition for your happiness.
If it does happen . . . FINE!
The game is to set things up in your head so that either way, YOU CAN NOT LOSE!
It never occurs to most people that this simple solution is the only way to do it!
Let's view this with a little perspective.
Isn't it easier to change your programming than to change people and situations to continuously fit your programming . . . those patterns which create demands and expectations . . . ADDICTIONS!?!
"But can't I ever try to change the outside world?
SURE!
Just use loving communication . . . just don't be addicted to someone or something changing. If they can flow with your gentile, loving communication, then you can change people and situations in a way that does not have any backlash to create unhappiness in your life.
But your loving communication must be made with vibrations that indicate that you accept and love them unconditionally -- regardless of whether they do what you prefer or not. They must feel completely free and not experience any kind of pressure from you . . . either subtle or gross.
And if your loving communication does not produce change -- you still remain happy because you are not addicted to the results of your actions. You view life as a game and you are not obsessed with winning or losing - you simply enjoy playing.
If you are not addicted with "winning" you can never create the experience of loss.
Higher consciousness gives you enormous flexibility. You become a master at accepting what was previously unacceptable.
Emotional acceptance does not necessarily mean that you have to go on someone else's trip in the game of life. If just means that you do not get uptight with their trip, no matter what that trip is. You realize that it is okay for them to do the it - even though you may not want to be involved in doing it yourself.
So now you know how to make your life work instead of continually striving and fighting to change and manipulate the outside world to fit your inner programming, you just learn certain "higher consciousness" techniques that make you a master at changing your inside programming so that it always harmonizes with the here and now situation in the outside world . . .
It does not have to coincide, but it must harmonize.
There are no "shoulds" or "should nots" as far as the outside world is concerned. It is the way it is! Don't waste your energy regretting what is here now . . . thinking that it should be different. Only your programming creates "shoulds" and "should nots" . . . in reality, they do not exist.
It you wish to involve yourself in trying to modify a situation, purely from a non-addictive space, remember that you are simply because that is your role in the game of life.
Instead of spending the rest of your life fruitlessly trying to keep the world in line with your expectations and demands, simply modify your programming, and then . . . like magic, THE WORLD FEELS GREAT!
The past is non-existent and the future is imaginary.
You can only live NOW . . . by being in the eternal NOW MOMENT.
If you are not making it in life right now, you probably will not be making it ten minutes from now or one day from now or . . .
People who postpone happiness are like children who try chasing the rainbow's end. It is always receding and the faster they run, the more it eludes them.
Today is perfect. It is a day that cannot be improved upon . . . unless you are comparing it with the dead past or the imagined future - neither of which really exist now.
As long as you are continually unhappy with what is, solely because it is not like what it is not, you are going to make yourself miserable forever.
You have got to enjoy "BEING" and STOP WORRYING about "BECOMING" . . . otherwise, there is absolutely no end . . .
You will NEVER be fulfilled until you are happy here and now.
"Tomorrow" always becomes "today," if you are forever looking ahead into "tomorrows," when they become "todays," you will still not enjoy them because you will be pre-occupied with dreams about "new" tomorrows. Don't spend your life missing today . . . waiting for the day when you can be happy.
If you are not happy TODAY, what dramatic difference will come with tomorrow - especially if the routine of your present life is precisely what produced the "today" you are not happy with?
If your big, crushing bag of addictions and demands doesn't get smaller - your life can never work properly.
When will you realize that "today" IS the "tomorrow" YOU hoped for "yesterday"?
So why waste it looking for new tomorrows - enjoy it now because it is already your’s.
The cycle of unhappiness will continue unless you stop it . . . TODAY.
Whenever your mind is preoccupied with the rut of "pasting" or "futuring" - and your addictions are making you reject the here and now situation in your life - and you get uptight and start to worry, you are depriving yourself of:
1. ENERGY. You waste energy when you worry about the past or future. Wanting and rejecting wears you out all the time.
2. INSIGHT. When you are preoccupied with the past or the future and feel anxious or depressed, you may be sure that your insight is at its lowest point. The actions {or non-actions} that can create the optimal response to your problem will only occur to you when you are cooled-out and can see the entire situation with perspective. When you are upset, all you see with any central awareness is what you fear or what you desire.
3. LOVE. When you are caught in the grip of anger, jealousy, apprehension or resentment, you are probably throwing someone out of your heart or making yourself feel alienated from people around you. You are most likely turning-off the very people that may be the most help to you.
An individual who uses higher consciousness clearly sees how addictions create the experience of suffering and alienation. The rest of us continue to wallow in self-generated and self-maintained misery. We think the people around us are causing us to be unhappy and we decide that the world around us is pretty rotten.
When we respond to the people and situations in our lives in a critical, negative, non*loving way, we tend to attract and create even more of what we don't want. This makes us even more uptight and now we are really sure that the world is at fault. We then continue spiraling downward to create tons of suffering and unhappiness in our lives.
You begin to generate happiness in your life when you free yourself from all your addictive traps.
So now you have to make a decision ---
Do you want to live the rest of your life with a brain that is full of the malignant cancers called addictions . . . emotion-backed demands, expectations, ideas of how the world SHOULD be, models of how people SHOULD treat you, etc. etc. etc.?
Remember - YOU put this addictive programming into your head. Most of your security, sensation and power addictions were programmed by you during the first few years of your life when your bio-computer was immature and you were completely at the mercy of outside influences. What you experienced and programmed then still controls your reactions to the world today.
You are not your programming - just as a computer is not its programming . . . When you change your programming, the computer remains the same, but it OPERATES differently.
Dump your addictions!
All addictive programming prevents you from living the happiest, most effective life possible.
You were born with almost no programming . . . just a few survival programs. Food, air and protection from the weather are needed for survival.
If you are not involved in meeting needs concerned with immediate survival and you find that you are uptight about something, you are suffering from the "disease of demanding,"
Why should you be addicted to something that is not needed for survival?
ALL OTHER EMOTION-BACKED DEMANDS ARE SICKNESS
Pretty sick world, isn't it?
Some of us are learning to free ourselves from this jail that is created by our programming and perpetuated by the involvement of our egos and rational minds.
Are YOU ready for the jail-break?
Are you strong enough for the dash to freedom? Until you realize that you have nothing to lose but your unhappiness, you won't be able to break free from the tyranny of your addictive programming . . . you will just keep churning with feelings that make you reject what is here and now in your life.
You must realize that you can never make it in life by trying to control others.
It is thousands of times more practical to be in control of yourself.
CONTROLING YOURSELF REALLY WORKS . . . IF YOU HAVE THE GUTS TO DO IT.
Controlling yourself does not mean that you repress your feelings. That is ulcer Ville.
To live effectively, peacefully and happily you must reprogram your bio-computer so that stimulus A in the outside world does not automatically trigger Response B in you - a negative reaction to the life energies around you.
When you successfully reprogram your head, there are no more negative reactions which you have to worry about repressing.
You can now remain tuned-in centered and loving.
Ready to do it?
Okay, let’s go.
The game is to let go of all your addictions . . . up-level your addictions (emotion-backed demands) to "preferences.)
You will recall that an ADDICTION is any demand or expectation that you place upon people and situations in your life which is backed-up by AUTOMATICALLY triggered anger, frustration, fear, boredom, anxiety or other negative emotions.
A PREFFERENCE is something which you would like to have a certain way, but you will not be in the least uncomfortable if it does not happen that way.
When your life is a parade of preferences, you can enjoy life all the time. When the people and situations around you do not fit your programmed preferences, it is still okay. You simply make an accepting, loving communication which says, "I love you unconditionally. It does not matter whether or not you fit my preferences."
When people and situations around you happen to fit your preferences, they enable you to trigger feelings of joy, increased love, reverence, appreciation and happiness.
There is no way to lose when you up-level your addictions to preferences.
When your bio-computer is totally free from addictive programming, and only preferences remain, YOU CREATE the experience of living in a beautiful world.
When you are effectively reprogrammed, nothing can ever go "wrong." You are not addicted to any model of how things should be in order to be "right" or "reasonable," things are the way they are and you remain happy.
THIS IS HOW TO MAKE YOUR LIFE WORK!
It is fine to "prefer" money, education, sex, comfort or anything - but don't kid yourself into thinking it is only a "preference" if it is really an addiction. It is quite easy to tell them apart . . . will you be uncomfortable if you do not get the money, education, sex, comfort, etc. that you said you "preferred"?
Hm-m-m-m-m-m. Remember, only addictions cause unhappiness.
It does not appear that you are yet convinced.
What are you saying?
Are you saying that if you do not get mad, anxious or jealous when people treat you a certain way, they will just run over you as if you were a cream puff? Or if you eliminate fear from your bio-computer are you afraid you may get hurt in certain situations?
Are you wondering whether negative emotions have a real place in life to help you avoid pain and gradually mold people and situations so that you can live with them comfortably?
You have an interesting point.
If you don't respond at all to the world, the world will probably just roll over you, because it will not see you. People will not know what you prefer . . . because they aren't mind readers.
But the problem with using negative emotions to manipulate and control the world is that they only work to a certain point. They will never enable you to control and dominate the outside world ENOUGH to give you the experience of feeling secure, to give you enough enjoyable sensations, and to give you enough effectiveness and power in your life.
Sure, if you competently manipulate, you will have more security, sensations and power than if you made no attempt at all to interact with the outside world. But they will keep you trotting along like a donkey chasing a carrot that is dangling from a stick tied to his neck. Every now and then you may get a nibble of the carrot if it swings your way, but you will never get the whole carrot. You may have moments of pleasure, but remember, if life is working properly, you are continuously happy . . . 100% of the time.
“What if I am being attacked or am in physical danger?”
Well, chances are pretty good that if you panic or get excited or become emotionally upset – you will not be able to think clearly and you may even act in a way that will contribute to your injury. If you stay centered and loving in all situations, you will be assured of acting from a clear headspace and will automatically react in a way that will produce the best possible results. Have you ever IMPROVED your performance by worrying or by making yourself unhappy because of a “here and now” situation?
A business person actually does better in business when using the Living Love Way, simply by not being impeded by the handicap of worry and unhappiness which both distorts his or her business perception and also prevents him or her from enjoying every aspect of business and personal life.
Remember, you are not trying to change what you are doing . . . only the headspace from which you do it. The game is to do everything from a tuned-in, centered and loving space.
If you are willing to flow with life and use only “loving communication” as your tool for implementing change, you will see immediate results. If you doubt this, and try to exert even a little bit of “pressure,” you will again find yourself operating from an addictive space – and that just will not work without setting up new problems in your life.
If you are going to do it and you want it to work, you must do it right.
Sure, if the roof leaks, you intellectually see the situation as being one that needs improving . . . but you emotionally accept it as part of the “here and now”. Reacting with a negative emotion can never contribute to the best possible results until you clear your head and put things in their proper perspective by letting go of the negative emotion that is caused by immediately rejecting the situation. First, every “here and now” situation must be accepted emotionally; then, do what your head and heart tell you to do.
When you never get uptight about anything whatsoever, you always perform in the best possible way. It sounds like magic, doesn’t?
It may sound crazy . . . . but it actually works. This is not a theory, it is an observable fact. It works every time, without exception . . . and it is a system that has proven itself over a period of thousands of years without failure.
When you give it up (inside), you get it back (outside).
What you give-up is your emotional attachment to a rock-like set of security, sensation and power addictions.
What you get back is a relaxed, loving, friendly world that does everything it can to love and serve you in return.
Everyone that earnestly applies this method experiences a sensation that seems like “magic.” And guess what? Thousands upon thousands of people are TODAY living their lives in a state of constant happiness . . . they are emotionally accepting whatever is here and now – yes, 100% of the time. This is a fact.
And now you know how to do it.
When you up-level all your addictions to preferences, you will discover that your body may not need as much sleep as you now require, you will have much more energy during your waking hours. You will find that it is your addictions that make you struggle with life and cause you to needlessly expend tons of energy.
When you up-level all your addictions to preferences that will give you wisdom you have always wanted – and which is now locked in your bio-computer. Up until now you haven’t been able to fully use your innate wisdom simply because your powerful ego and rational mind only allowed you to see a narrow, distorted, illusory vision of reality. When you tune-in to your “higher consciousness,” you begin to preceive things as they are . . . not as you “think’ they are.
When you are a slave of addictive programming, your ego constantly filters and rewrites your incomming sensory data and the thoughts produced by your rational mind so thatyou preceive only a distorted version of the world . . . one that is biased toward the security, sensation and power (control) aspects of the people and situations around you. Your bio-computer is operating in a way that constantly shortchanges you, confuses and misleads you – and prevents your life from working properly. You see everything through the distorted filter of your programming.
When you up-level all your addictions to preferences, you are able to LOVE EVERYONE UNCONDITIONALLY – INCLUDING YOURSELF. Your love is no longer a barter or business transaction in which you imply, “I can love you if you fit my programming. But if you do not, to hell with you. Get out of my life and stay out.”
“I can love you IF …” actually doesn’t represent love at all.
When you begin to love everyone UNCONDITIONALLY – including yourself, the people around you begin to mirror your loving energy and then love you and cooperate with you in a way that they never could have done before.
When you try to force or manipulate people into doing the things you want, the most you get is surface compliance or respect – if you are lucky. You can have respect from a person and not have their love . . . in fact, they may even fear you. Your life will never work if people are afraid of you. You can never push people into giving you love. You can’t trick them into loving you either.
It’s love that gives you energy – to you and to the people around you – and this is the energy you really need to make your life work well. Loving people are happy – and happy people are loving.
Please realize that it is only your programming that ever blocks you from loving someone.
“But how can I love my enemies?” you ask.
Well, why are they “enemies”? THEY don’t perceive themselves as “enemies”. Surely their friends don’t consider them “enemies”. Only your programming makes you perceive someone as an enemy. Change your programming and now you can love everyone . . .
UNCONDITIONALLY
So now we see that by up-leveling addictions to preferences, we begin to get the optimal amount of what is getable in life.
We no longer louse-up ourselves and others by trying to get what is not getable.
When we learn to love and serve everyone unconditionally, we begin to experience that life is a cornucopia that gives us far more security, sensations and power than we really need to be happy. When we don’t demand or anxiously anticipate anything – everything that comes along can be appreciated and enjoyed to the fullest.
There are many great traditions for reprogramming your bio-computer and up-leveling emotion-backed demands into the preferences that can enable you to flow with whatever is here and now in your life.
The method that we call the Living Love Way has been designed for us folks with big egos and well-trained rational minds.
When you use these methods, they help you get behind your ego and rational mind so that they become your faithful servants rather than your master.
Whenever you are upset and are generating the experience of unhappiness, it is because you are not following one or more of the TWELVE PATHWAYS. These PATHWAYS represent the keys to living a continuously happy, fulfilled, loving life.
Not only do these PATHWAYS define the headspace necessary for growth into “higher consciousness,” they are, in themselves, an actual vehicle for growing into higher consciousness. They are the wisdom of the ages compressed into a small package for instant use whenever you are in a life situation and begin to trigger feelings of uptightness, irritation, jealousy, fear, anger, etc. Whenever you find yourself rejecting what’s here and now in your life, just tune into the PATHWAY you could be using.
We recommend that you memorize these PATHWAYS. This will put them deep into your bio-computer ON THE PROGRAMMING LEVEL. If you just read them over, they will remain a shallow, intellectual thing that will not get at the mainspring of the basic programming that you now use to unconsciously trigger negative emotions.
Simply “understanding” them is not enough. The Living Love Way requires that the TWELVE PATHWAYS be PROGRAMMED deep into your bio-computer so that they actually replace the programming that now automatically triggers unhappiness. When these PATHWAYS are used as programming 100% of the time . . . . unhappiness is gone forever!
There is absolutely no way you can be unhappy unless you are violating one or more of the TWELVE PATHWAYS.
Even physical pain will not bring you unhappiness if you use the PATHWAYS! Pain simply represents a feeling. How you react to that feeling is what causes unhappiness. If you use the PATHWAYS, you can change your reaction to the feeling.
So here are the TWELVE PATHWAYS that will enable you to free yourself from all the programming that is creating unhappiness in your life . . .
The Twelve Pathways
To Unconditional Love and Happiness
Freeing Myself
- I am freeing myself from security, sensation, and power addictions that make me try to forcefully control situations in my life, and thus destroy my serenity and keep me from loving myself and others.
- I am discovering how my consciousness-dominating addictions create my illusory version of the changing world of people and situations and people around me.
- I welcome the opportunity (even if painful) that my minute-to-minute experience offers me to become aware of the addictions I must reprogram to be liberated from my robot-like emotional patterns.
Being Here Now
- I always remember that I have everything I need to enjoy my here and now – unless I am letting my consciousness be dominated by demands and expectations based on the dead past or the imagined future.
- I take full responsibility here and now for everything I experience, for it is my own programming that creates my actions and also influences the reactions of people around me.
- I accept myself completely here and now and consciously experience everything I feel, think, say, and do (including my emotion-backed addictions) as a necessary part of growth into higher consciousness.
Interacting With Others
- I open myself genuinely to all people by being willing to fully communicate my deepest feelings, since hiding in any degree keeps me stuck in my illusion of separateness from other people.
- I feel with loving compassion the problems of others without getting caught up emotionally in their predicaments that are offering them messages they need for their growth.
- I act freely when I am tuned in, centered, and loving, but if possible I avoid acting when I am emotionally upset and depriving myself of the wisdom that flows from love and expanded consciousness.
Discovering My Conscious-awareness
- I am continually calming the restless scanning of my rational mind in order to perceive the finer energies that enable me to unitively merge with everything around me.
- I am constantly aware of which of the Seven Centers of Consciousness I am using, and I feel my energy, perceptiveness, love and inner peace growing as I open all of the Centers of Consciousness.
- I am perceiving everyone, including myself, as an awakening being who is here to calm his or her birthright to the higher consciousness planes of unconditional love and oneness.
Reprinted from HOW TO MAKE YOUR LIFE WORK OR WHY AREN’T YOU HAPPY? By Ken Keys Jr. and Bruce (Tolly) Burkan, Copyright 1974 by Living Love Center